shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
