You just made me feel so damn special
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
