i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
