I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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