They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
