you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
