I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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