she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
