im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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