I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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