so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
