I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
