We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
