Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
