I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
