There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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