was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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