I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
