i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
