my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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