seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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