just come out here and I will go home with you...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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