I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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