TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
