Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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