if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
