Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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