What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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