Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
