dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
