Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
