I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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