Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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