Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
