thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
