OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
