I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize