this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
