I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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