So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
