Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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