do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
