I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
