I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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