So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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