You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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