And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
