My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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