so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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