He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
