Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
