Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
