can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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