having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
