Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
