they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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