"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
