I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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