id be glad to
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
