On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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