Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
