I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
