talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
