there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
