I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
