I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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