i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
