She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
