i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
