even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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