i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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