I want to make a zoo with you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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