normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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