i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
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I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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