I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
